I recently spent some time listening to a good friend of mine as he recounted the Thanksgiving and holiday seasons. His words rang way too true. I'm paraphrasing, so there are no quotes!
Tomorrow, Thanksgiving day, something truly amazing is going to happen. There are about 300 million Americans. Tomorrow, nearly everyone of us, regardless of race, creed or color won't be going to work. At about 2:00 pm, nearly everyone will spend time giving thanks for the blessings they have. Most people will eat a good meal. Most people will be with friends and family. For about an hour tomorrow, the entire country will pause to give thanks.
Then, we'll sit on the couch and turn on the television. We will complain about how long it takes to clean up after such a large meal. As we watch the traditional Thanksgiving day football game, some, like my friend, will complain about how bad the Cowboys are. Somewhere around 8 pm, those of us who traveled to a relative's house will embark on the journey home. We will complain because we had to travel so far to spend time with our in-laws that we don't much like anyway and now have to drive home in the dark when we are already tired.
Friday morning comes quickly because, of course, it is Black Friday and we must be up and out early to take advantage of all the great deals. Once we get there we will complain because of all the lunatics that got up early enough to be in front of us on the line. We get into the store and realize that there was only one $25 laptop and only one $50 flat screen television and we complain. As we continue to search the store, we complain about the fact that you can't buy a decent present for under $100. Throughout the month of December we complain about the commercialization, the traffic and the stress of the holidays.
The New Year arrives. We are reminded that we are still too fat, still didn't paint the living room and still haven't read any books. We complain that we can't follow through on resolutions, probably because we are too busy.
Then, comes maybe the worst day of the entire year, January 22. An ominous day, indeed. That is when the MasterCard bill arrives. As we stare in disbelief at the amount of money we spent, we complain because we can't pay the bill because we don't make enough money at our lousy jobs. Oh, yeah, and because of that job that doesn't pay enough, we don't have a big enough house, or a nice enough car, or a long enough vacation - complain, complain, complain. Don't even get us started on putting our kids through college or paying for retirement!
But, alas, there is some hope! There is only 298 days until Thanksgiving when we will all pause to be thankful for what we have.
This was my friend's story, but I think we can all relate to it. We live in arguably the most consumeristic society in the history of humanity. We have more stuff than any people who have every walked the earth. The problem is, though, that we are more aware of what we don't have than we we do. If we have a cell phone, we want a smart phone. If we have a 40" flat screen TV, we want a 50". If we drive a Ford, we want a Lexus. You get the idea. We spend 364 days a year complaining about what we don't have and forget to focus on what we do have.
I have been privileged to have had the opportunity to travel to Guatemala City for the past three years to work with people who live and work in and on a garbage dump. These people have nothing. When you ask them what they want, they say food, water, a roof over their heads. Those who do well scavenging through the garbage dump earn about $2 per day. Those who have food often eat once a day and sometimes eat what they find in the trash. Those who have water at all get it only for a couple of hours a day and cannot drink it safely. Those who have shelter live in "houses" that aren't as nice as many of our tool sheds. Ask me what I want. I want an iPad, I want a new kitchen, I want a shed to put my lawnmower and snow blower in. I have so much stuff that I can't even fit it into my house and I still want more. But, what do I do, complain about what I don't have.
This week on the school sign I have been posting facts dealing with the struggles of people around the world, which includes people of the United States.
1.4 billion people do not have clean drinking water.
6 million children under the age of five die each year because of malnutrition.
3 billion people live on $2 a day or less.
80% of the world, nearly 5 1/2 billion people, live on $10 a day or less.
There's more:
2.6 billion people do not have sanitary waste facilities - flushing toilets
1 billion people do not have enough to eat
In America:
45 million Americans live below the poverty line ($16,000 a year for a family of four )
1 out of every 5 children in America lives in poverty
40 million Americans live in households that did not have an adequate supply of food
And I complain because my Internet service isn't fast enough, or that I have to wait in line at the grocery store.
When things are bad, we complain. When things are good, we complain because they're never good enough. As we all prepare for a nice four day weekend - of course, it would be better if it were longer - I would urge everyone to give thanks for everything. Times are certainly tough. Economically and personally, we are all battling to deal with great challenges. We've had to deal with the loss of "things". We've had to deal with the loss of jobs. We've had to deal with the loss of loved ones. In all things, though, there is an opportunity to be thankful.
When the turkey is finished, the pumpkin pie has been eaten, the dishes have been cleaned and the button on your pants has been undone, take some time to continue to be thankful. If you have a job, be thankful - there are many people without one right now. If you are sitting in your warm house watching television, be thankful - there are many people living on the streets. If you eat a good meal, be thankful - many people go hungry every day. If you get a glass of water from the tap, be thankful - a good portion of people in the world could only dream of doing that. If you lose someone close to you, be thankful - thankful that you got to spend time with them at all.
If we as adults can do all of this, we can teach our children more than they can every learn in a book or a classroom. Our kids live in a world where all they seem to notice is what everyone else has and does. They focus so much on what they don't have that they fail to appreciate what they do have. By being good role models each and every day, we can teach them to be optimistic, hopeful, thankful for everything they have, and thankful that they live in a country and community that is filled with opportunities.
Happy Thanksgiving - tomorrow and for the next 364 days!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Thank You, Veterans
Today the students at Woodglen School joined all Americans as we celebrate Veteran's Day. First known as Armistice Day, a day to commemorate the end of World War I and honored those who served in that war, the day was changed in 1954 to Veteran's Day to honor all American Veterans.
Today, we honor veterans, past and present, celebrating and honoring them for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.
Woodglen School's own Mr. George Perasso, a United States Marine, is among the many who have served our nation with honor and valor. We thank him and all the other brave men and women who served and continue to serve. They serve for you and me.
Take a moment to watch this video: "I Fought For You"
Today, we honor veterans, past and present, celebrating and honoring them for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.
Woodglen School's own Mr. George Perasso, a United States Marine, is among the many who have served our nation with honor and valor. We thank him and all the other brave men and women who served and continue to serve. They serve for you and me.
Take a moment to watch this video: "I Fought For You"
Friday, October 29, 2010
Make a Difference
Let's just say that you really didn't have much money. You decided, though, that there were kids in need so you wanted to adopt. Instead of taking the cute little babies, you asked for the kids that no one else wanted. You didn't do it just once, but about 20 times - yes, 20! Pretty impressive, but...
Despite the fact that you are having trouble paying your bills, you go out every day and provide food for the homeless. As you get to know the people you serve on a daily basis, you start to provide some clothing and other needs.
You would think that you would deserve some kind of award; maybe the key to the city or a street named after you. You would think, wouldn't you.
Two weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet JoAnn Tyler. She doesn't have much money. She has 3 natural born children and 20 adopted children. The children she took in were the ones that no one else wanted.
One day when sitting in church, the pastor told the congregation that, "Next year, we are going to feed the homeless." After wondering why they would wait a year to feed hungry people, JoAnn decided to prepare Thanksgiving dinner for six homeless people in a park in Dover, NJ. What started as a one time thing, providing a Thanksgiving dinner, turned into a daily occurrence as the people she met explained how hungry they were in the evenings. JoAnn faithfully returned each day to that park in Dover to feed people and has done so since 2003.
Since she began providing a bowl of soup and a sandwich to the people she refers to not as homeless, but less fortunate, she has not always reaped the accolades one would expect for such a selfless person. Her husband left her and took the family car. She has been given thousands of dollars in summonses from the town of Dover. She has been threatened by town officials, including the Mayor, to be thrown in jail for taking care of people that no one else wants to take care of.
In 2005, JoAnn Tyler's efforts were recognized by the Russ Bernie Foundation. She received a $50,000 award for her efforts. When she got the money, she did not take a vacation, which she certainly deserved; she did not go out and buy new clothes, which I'm sure she would have liked; she didn't get a new TV or iPod or computer. JoAnn Tyler paid her rent and electric bills, which were past due. She bought a van so that she could continue to serve food each day, and she spent the rest of the money helping others who needed more than she did. She wrote a check to a single mom with four kids who was about to be evicted. She took people to Kmart to buy some clothing. She bought more soup and more sandwiches to feed hungry unfortunate people.
The Woodglen School Student Council has decided to help JoAnn Tyler "make a difference" for over 60 homeless people living in Dover. She will be handing out coats on November 13 in JFK Park - the same place she goes each day to feed hungry people. We have begun collecting coats, socks, flashlights, batteries and other necessities. The collection runs through November 11. Please considering helping us to "make a difference" as we help expand the good works of JoAnn Tyler.
If you'd like to help, please check out our Student Council flyer that provides specific needs.
Despite the fact that you are having trouble paying your bills, you go out every day and provide food for the homeless. As you get to know the people you serve on a daily basis, you start to provide some clothing and other needs.
You would think that you would deserve some kind of award; maybe the key to the city or a street named after you. You would think, wouldn't you.
Two weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet JoAnn Tyler. She doesn't have much money. She has 3 natural born children and 20 adopted children. The children she took in were the ones that no one else wanted.
One day when sitting in church, the pastor told the congregation that, "Next year, we are going to feed the homeless." After wondering why they would wait a year to feed hungry people, JoAnn decided to prepare Thanksgiving dinner for six homeless people in a park in Dover, NJ. What started as a one time thing, providing a Thanksgiving dinner, turned into a daily occurrence as the people she met explained how hungry they were in the evenings. JoAnn faithfully returned each day to that park in Dover to feed people and has done so since 2003.
Since she began providing a bowl of soup and a sandwich to the people she refers to not as homeless, but less fortunate, she has not always reaped the accolades one would expect for such a selfless person. Her husband left her and took the family car. She has been given thousands of dollars in summonses from the town of Dover. She has been threatened by town officials, including the Mayor, to be thrown in jail for taking care of people that no one else wants to take care of.
In 2005, JoAnn Tyler's efforts were recognized by the Russ Bernie Foundation. She received a $50,000 award for her efforts. When she got the money, she did not take a vacation, which she certainly deserved; she did not go out and buy new clothes, which I'm sure she would have liked; she didn't get a new TV or iPod or computer. JoAnn Tyler paid her rent and electric bills, which were past due. She bought a van so that she could continue to serve food each day, and she spent the rest of the money helping others who needed more than she did. She wrote a check to a single mom with four kids who was about to be evicted. She took people to Kmart to buy some clothing. She bought more soup and more sandwiches to feed hungry unfortunate people.
The Woodglen School Student Council has decided to help JoAnn Tyler "make a difference" for over 60 homeless people living in Dover. She will be handing out coats on November 13 in JFK Park - the same place she goes each day to feed hungry people. We have begun collecting coats, socks, flashlights, batteries and other necessities. The collection runs through November 11. Please considering helping us to "make a difference" as we help expand the good works of JoAnn Tyler.
If you'd like to help, please check out our Student Council flyer that provides specific needs.
Monday, October 4, 2010
CYBERBULLYING
We talk a great deal about harassment, bullying and meanness in school. We have worked with students to help them solve problems with others before little things turn into big things. Overall, we have been pretty successful at controlling the problems of bullying in our school. Things are not perfect, they probably never will be perfect, but we continue to work under the premise that one incident of bullying is one too many.
Kids, schools and parents have dealt with bullying for years. If you went to school you either, a. were treated poorly by someone, b. treated someone poorly or c. saw someone being treated poorly. Put hundreds of kids in one space for a large amount of time and these things are inevitable. While many things have stayed the same, things have also changed a great deal since "the good old days" when you were a kid.
Unless you have been a member of a sequestered jury for the past week, you have heard about the incident that took place at Rutgers University. You can read the story from September 29th's Star Ledger. http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2010/09/hold_new_rutgers_post.html
Two students used a web cam to broadcast a sexual encounter between a male roommate and another male. The results were tragic. Freshman Tyler Clementi committed suicide after the encounter was broadcast by his roommate over the Internet. Authorities are still trying to sort out the charges against the two students responsible for the broadcast. Whatever the law does to these two young people, it will pale in comparison to the fact that they will have to live for the rest of their lives with what they did and the outcome.
The two students responsible for the invasion of privacy were not who most people would picture. They were strong students. They came from seemingly solid families. They grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood. They attended a good high school. In fact, they could have been any one of the kids that go to our schools right now.
While their actions on that day were reprehensible, they weren't all that much different than the actions of thousands of young people around the country on any given day. Young people treat each other poorly every day. They resort to name-calling, mocking, exclusion, bullying, harassment for a variety of reasons. They usually don't do these things when authorities (parents and teachers) are around. They often claim to be "kidding around" when confronted about their inappropriate actions. The biggest difference between the Tyler Clementi case and most of the rest was the outcome.
While the actions of the two students who broadcast this sexual encounter were horrible, I would venture to say that neither woke up that morning and thought to themselves, "I'm going to push someone to commit suicide today." These two students were not horrible monsters, they were normal young people. These two students were not stupid, they were good students at one of the nations top academic institutions. They may not have set out to kill someone, but they certainly set out to ridicule someone. So how does this happen? How do we prevent it from happening again. I wish I had all the answers, but I don't.
Kids today have access to technology that is very useful. It is also very powerful and very dangerous. We often allow our kids to use these tools with very little guidance and almost no direct instruction. We hand them cell phones with cameras and Internet access. We give them smart phones with downloadable "apps," many of which you and I don't even know exist. We buy them laptop computers with web cams and programs like Skype and ooVoo. We provide these things, but we often don't take the time to teach them how to use them properly. We often don't take the time to monitor their usage closely. Computers and the Internet have taken humiliation to never before seen levels. What once was local, now is global. What once was personal and identifiable, is now, for the most part, faceless and anonymous.
What are the answers? Like I said, I'm not exactly sure. We have introduced a "Digital Citizenship" course to seventh graders as part of our computer curriculum. During this marking-period class, students will grapple with issues of privacy, search engines, plagiarism, cybersafety and cyberbullying. We have aligned what we are doing with the NJ Core Content Standards for technology. The government is now getting involved with laws specifically aimed at cyberbullying. Check out this example in an article from Fox News:
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/10/01/rutgers-student-suicide-renews-debate-cyberbullying/. While passing legislation sounds like a good and reasonable thing to do here, it is not likely to solve the problem. Haven't there been laws on the books about murder, robbery and assault for years? None of these problems have disappeared because of legislation against them.
The real solutions lie in the constant effort to teach our children to be more than anything else, decent human beings. I'd like to say that all children are taught from the very beginning to be kind, caring and sympathetic. I'd like to say that all children are taught about the importance of caring about and for others. I'd like to say that all children internalized the lessons that have been taught at home and school. As a principal, I'd like to say that this is all the parents' fault. As a parent, I'd like to say that this is all the schools' fault. As a taxpayer, I'd like to say that this is all the government's fault. Truth of the matter is it is everyone's fault, or, more appropriately put, it is everyone's responsibility.
As parents and teachers and administrators and citizens, we all shoulder the responsibility of bringing up the next generation. Our parents and their parents before them faced the same challenge. I know that everyone says the right things. All parents tell their children to be nice. All teachers tell students to be kind. Everyone tells others to be sympathetic to those in need. Each year, I meet with students and tell them that the most important rule at Woodglen School is to treat others the way you want to be treated - not necessarily the way they treat you. This all sounds great, but talk is cheep.
Are we all just talking the talk and not walking the walk? The examples we set may be subtle. Do we display the "niceness" we preach when we are driving in our cars, particularly when someone cuts us off? Are we displaying the "kindness" when we put others down for their views, choices or lifestyles behind their backs? Are we displaying the "sympathy" when we see others in need and walk by because we are too busy to get involved? Do I always treat others the way I want to be treated?
The other piece of the puzzle is accountability. How many times have we tried to justify our own actions when we did not treat someone well. "He did it to me first," "She deserved it," "They had it coming to them," are all-to-often-heard phrases used to justify actions. What about when our kids are involved in treating others poorly. "Well, that kid did something to my kid first." "My child would never do something like that." Do those phrases sound familiar? If we want our children to be nice, to be kind, to be sympathetic and to treat others the way they wish to be treated, it has to be independent of the actions of others. That being said, I don't want the nice kids to become punching bags or victims. We have put procedures in place at Woodglen School for positive ways to address meanness, bullying and harassment. I've explained them many times before, but the focus is on teaching kids to solve problems with others and dealing with problems early - before they get out of control.
What Dahrun Ravi and Molly Wei did to Tyler Clementi was reprehsible. While many people are looking at this as a bias incident, I look at this more as an anti-human being issue. Susan Jacoby, in her Washington Post Blog put it this way, "It is about immoral and amoral cruelty" ... "and about a culture that prefers to assign responsibility to tools rather than the young people who used them for evil. Yes, evil. As the late Russian poet and Nobel laureate Joseph Brodsky once wrote, evil doesn't necessarily announce itself by walking in the door and saying, "Hi, I'm evil." It can just as likely manifest itself in two privileged young people whose bright, white smiles--the best expensive dentistry can provide!--concealed the moral vacuum that led them to use a web cam to torment a vulnerable fellow creature."
Dahrun Ravi and Molly Wei were probably, when they were in middle school, told to be nice. They were probably told to be kind. They were probably urged to have sympathy for others. They were almost certainly told to treat others the way they wanted to be treated. What happened? I'm not sure, I think the message we should all get about bullying and cyberbulling is pretty clear.
Kids, schools and parents have dealt with bullying for years. If you went to school you either, a. were treated poorly by someone, b. treated someone poorly or c. saw someone being treated poorly. Put hundreds of kids in one space for a large amount of time and these things are inevitable. While many things have stayed the same, things have also changed a great deal since "the good old days" when you were a kid.
Unless you have been a member of a sequestered jury for the past week, you have heard about the incident that took place at Rutgers University. You can read the story from September 29th's Star Ledger. http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2010/09/hold_new_rutgers_post.html
Two students used a web cam to broadcast a sexual encounter between a male roommate and another male. The results were tragic. Freshman Tyler Clementi committed suicide after the encounter was broadcast by his roommate over the Internet. Authorities are still trying to sort out the charges against the two students responsible for the broadcast. Whatever the law does to these two young people, it will pale in comparison to the fact that they will have to live for the rest of their lives with what they did and the outcome.
The two students responsible for the invasion of privacy were not who most people would picture. They were strong students. They came from seemingly solid families. They grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood. They attended a good high school. In fact, they could have been any one of the kids that go to our schools right now.
While their actions on that day were reprehensible, they weren't all that much different than the actions of thousands of young people around the country on any given day. Young people treat each other poorly every day. They resort to name-calling, mocking, exclusion, bullying, harassment for a variety of reasons. They usually don't do these things when authorities (parents and teachers) are around. They often claim to be "kidding around" when confronted about their inappropriate actions. The biggest difference between the Tyler Clementi case and most of the rest was the outcome.
While the actions of the two students who broadcast this sexual encounter were horrible, I would venture to say that neither woke up that morning and thought to themselves, "I'm going to push someone to commit suicide today." These two students were not horrible monsters, they were normal young people. These two students were not stupid, they were good students at one of the nations top academic institutions. They may not have set out to kill someone, but they certainly set out to ridicule someone. So how does this happen? How do we prevent it from happening again. I wish I had all the answers, but I don't.
Kids today have access to technology that is very useful. It is also very powerful and very dangerous. We often allow our kids to use these tools with very little guidance and almost no direct instruction. We hand them cell phones with cameras and Internet access. We give them smart phones with downloadable "apps," many of which you and I don't even know exist. We buy them laptop computers with web cams and programs like Skype and ooVoo. We provide these things, but we often don't take the time to teach them how to use them properly. We often don't take the time to monitor their usage closely. Computers and the Internet have taken humiliation to never before seen levels. What once was local, now is global. What once was personal and identifiable, is now, for the most part, faceless and anonymous.
What are the answers? Like I said, I'm not exactly sure. We have introduced a "Digital Citizenship" course to seventh graders as part of our computer curriculum. During this marking-period class, students will grapple with issues of privacy, search engines, plagiarism, cybersafety and cyberbullying. We have aligned what we are doing with the NJ Core Content Standards for technology. The government is now getting involved with laws specifically aimed at cyberbullying. Check out this example in an article from Fox News:
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/10/01/rutgers-student-suicide-renews-debate-cyberbullying/. While passing legislation sounds like a good and reasonable thing to do here, it is not likely to solve the problem. Haven't there been laws on the books about murder, robbery and assault for years? None of these problems have disappeared because of legislation against them.
The real solutions lie in the constant effort to teach our children to be more than anything else, decent human beings. I'd like to say that all children are taught from the very beginning to be kind, caring and sympathetic. I'd like to say that all children are taught about the importance of caring about and for others. I'd like to say that all children internalized the lessons that have been taught at home and school. As a principal, I'd like to say that this is all the parents' fault. As a parent, I'd like to say that this is all the schools' fault. As a taxpayer, I'd like to say that this is all the government's fault. Truth of the matter is it is everyone's fault, or, more appropriately put, it is everyone's responsibility.
As parents and teachers and administrators and citizens, we all shoulder the responsibility of bringing up the next generation. Our parents and their parents before them faced the same challenge. I know that everyone says the right things. All parents tell their children to be nice. All teachers tell students to be kind. Everyone tells others to be sympathetic to those in need. Each year, I meet with students and tell them that the most important rule at Woodglen School is to treat others the way you want to be treated - not necessarily the way they treat you. This all sounds great, but talk is cheep.
Are we all just talking the talk and not walking the walk? The examples we set may be subtle. Do we display the "niceness" we preach when we are driving in our cars, particularly when someone cuts us off? Are we displaying the "kindness" when we put others down for their views, choices or lifestyles behind their backs? Are we displaying the "sympathy" when we see others in need and walk by because we are too busy to get involved? Do I always treat others the way I want to be treated?
The other piece of the puzzle is accountability. How many times have we tried to justify our own actions when we did not treat someone well. "He did it to me first," "She deserved it," "They had it coming to them," are all-to-often-heard phrases used to justify actions. What about when our kids are involved in treating others poorly. "Well, that kid did something to my kid first." "My child would never do something like that." Do those phrases sound familiar? If we want our children to be nice, to be kind, to be sympathetic and to treat others the way they wish to be treated, it has to be independent of the actions of others. That being said, I don't want the nice kids to become punching bags or victims. We have put procedures in place at Woodglen School for positive ways to address meanness, bullying and harassment. I've explained them many times before, but the focus is on teaching kids to solve problems with others and dealing with problems early - before they get out of control.
What Dahrun Ravi and Molly Wei did to Tyler Clementi was reprehsible. While many people are looking at this as a bias incident, I look at this more as an anti-human being issue. Susan Jacoby, in her Washington Post Blog put it this way, "It is about immoral and amoral cruelty" ... "and about a culture that prefers to assign responsibility to tools rather than the young people who used them for evil. Yes, evil. As the late Russian poet and Nobel laureate Joseph Brodsky once wrote, evil doesn't necessarily announce itself by walking in the door and saying, "Hi, I'm evil." It can just as likely manifest itself in two privileged young people whose bright, white smiles--the best expensive dentistry can provide!--concealed the moral vacuum that led them to use a web cam to torment a vulnerable fellow creature."
Dahrun Ravi and Molly Wei were probably, when they were in middle school, told to be nice. They were probably told to be kind. They were probably urged to have sympathy for others. They were almost certainly told to treat others the way they wanted to be treated. What happened? I'm not sure, I think the message we should all get about bullying and cyberbulling is pretty clear.
- We need to educate our children about the power, both constructive and destructive, of technology - cell phones, computers, Internet and whatever else is developed down the road.
- We need to monitor what our children are doing with the technology available to them. That means that parents and educators need to stay abreast of the latest programs, trends and technologies. That also means that parents need to spend time keeping tabs of how their kids are using technology. It is difficult to do and it will take time, but it is crucial.
- We need to stress the importance of respect and responsibility. Our kids need to respect others and be responsible for their actions. With all of the stress put on high stakes standardized testing, AYP, and report cards, we may be leaving out the importance of developing quality human beings who care about others and want to treat others with kindness and respect. We also need to be sure that kids are aware of the possible ramifications of their actions. When they fall short of these expectations, we need to let them know about it, and work with them on how to make better decisions.
- We need to walk the walk. If we want our kids to treat others well, to be respectful, to be sympathetic, and to care about those in need, we have to do more than talk about it. We need to live it.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Back to School 2010
The 2010-2011 school year is now in full swing. We welcomed many parents to school on Thursday night for our annual Back to School Night. Those of you who were here had an opportunity to meet your child's teachers, hear about our curricula and see pictures of the smiling students who are so happy to be back in school (said with tongue in cheek).
If you were here at the beginning of the night, you heard a little bit about the things going on in the district and school. You also heard some of our philosophy. If you weren't here, or maybe were dozing off because I was boring (that's OK, I understand), I'll recap the message.
COMMUNICATION
Most of you have no doubt seen our website. It is a constantly evolving tool for communication. We spent a great deal of time developing a site that is useful and easy to use. Please take time to check out the website if you have not already done so.
Probably the most important feature of the website is the "Notify Me" function where parents can sign up for email updates when content is added. Parents have the opportunity to choose the information they want sent to their email addresses. You can get information from PTA, LTEF, community-based organizations and more. If you want information from these groups, you need to sign up as we are not sending paper home on a regular basis.
Does your son or daughter participate in a sport? Sign up for calendar updates and you will be notified of schedule changes and, more importantly, weather cancellations. You can now get text messages sent to your phone if you like. Just be sure to select the Woodglen Athletics Calendar if you only want texts about sports.
If you are not signed up for automatic notification through our website, go to http://www.lebtwpk8.org/list.aspx right now and get yourself signed up.
RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY
This year, we have set a theme of "Respect and Responsibility" for all students. I meet each year with students to talk about expectations for the upcoming school year. When I met with students during the first week of school, I explained that throughout the year we would focus on Respect and Responsibility.
Respect means respecting yourself, respecting others, respecting property, respecting teachers and respecting parents. We take great pride in the climate that has been developed at Woodglen School. We want it to be one where everyone feels comfortable sharing ideas, working hard and being themselves. In a time of life when most students are trying to figure out who they are, an atmosphere of respect is crucial to everyone's development. We don't ask everyone to be friends, that's just not the real world. We do ask everyone to respect each other, that is what the real world should be.
Responsibility is the other key ingredient to our school climate. We want students to leave Woodglen prepared for high school and beyond. Our goal is for them to move along the continuum from little boys and girls who come from elementary school to young people who are ready to succeed in the challenging environment of high school.
Students are encouraged to take responsibility for themselves. It isn't mom and dad's job to find out when a club or activity meets, its the student's job to listen to announcements. That's responsible. All students are given an opportunity to write assignments in their agenda books. Choosing not to do so and later claiming that they couldn't do the homework because it wasn't posted or the Internet was down is not an option. That's not taking responsibility for oneself.
I found it disheartening to hear from fifth and sixth grade teachers that we already have a significant number of students who are not completing homework. That's not responsible nor is it acceptable.
GRADES: COMMUNICATION NOT CURRENCY
If I asked what middle school grades mean, I would probably get a variety of answers. What grades are supposed to be is a standard way to communicate a students achievement in a given subject area. Unfortunately, what grades have become is a way to evaluate the quality of a child and/or parent. That is not a good thing. A student who gets an A is not necessarily any nicer or any better quality of an individual than the student who gets a D. Too often, though, people like to think, "my kid is a good kid because he or she gets good grades," or, "I'm a bad parent because my kid is struggling in school." These types of fallacies have led to a situation where grades are more important than learning.
Do you know what an A means to a middle school student? It doesn't mean that he or she has thoroughly mastered the information and skills presented in the classroom, it means, "I don't have to work any harder than I already am, and, maybe I can work a little less because my parents would be OK with an A- or B+." That is what happens when grades are used as currency. "Can I do extra credit to bring my grade up?" "What does my child need to do to get the extra point to bring that C+ to a B-?" These are the questions asked when grades are used as currency. "I get $10 for every A I get." "You'll be grounded if you don't get all A's and B's." These are the statements that we hear when grades are used as currency.
Our goal at Woodglen School is for all students to be successful. Success though, should not be focused on middle school. If we wanted kids to get A's in middle school, we could put several things in place that could probably accomplish just that. Unfortunately, those kinds of things are detrimental to students in the long run. We want students to leave Woodglen prepared for high school and beyond. What does that mean? We want them to develop a strong work ethic, one where "just enough" is not enough. We want them to develop good study and work habits. Once they get to high school, one high school administrator once put it, everything counts. Kids can't just start working hard when they get there. Hard work and good study skills are habits that need to be developed and honed in middle school. When we focus on that, sometimes kids have to experience some failure and difficulty. We are here to help them work through that. We are here to help them develop the habits, learn to be responsible, and become people who will be successful in high school and beyond.
BULLYING AND MEANNESS
I shared the Woodglen philosophy on dealing with bullying - we do all we can NOT to have to deal with it by preventing it. That means we put great emphasis on stopping meanness, which ultimately leads to bullying behaviors. Our goal is simple, we don't want to fix students' problems, we want to teach them how to fix their own problems. At the beginning of each school year, I meet with every student and we talk about how to deal with unacceptable behaviors. I remind them of what I consider to be the most important rule at Woodglen, "Treat others the way you want to be treated." I complete the statement with, "which is not necessarily the way they are treating you."
Students are encouraged to see Mrs. Hinde or me when they are having issues with other students. They should not wait until the issue is very large and out of control. I don't want to see students pushed over the edge to the point where they are using foul language, threats, or getting physical. If students are having a problem with someone, we want to teach them how to resolve the issue. Too many people, adults included, avoid issues until they are out of control. That is what leads to bullying. We bring kids together to talk in an effort to solve problems.
If your son or daughter comes home and tells you that they are having trouble in school, on the playground or on the bus, encourage them to see Mrs. Hinde so that she can help them fix the situation - not fix it for them. If we are on the same page with this, the program works much better so I would ask for your support.
Woodglen School is a great school with great kids, great teachers and great parents. I feel blessed to be able to work in a genuinely nice and supportive community. I know that we all share the same goals, to work with children to make them good and successful people. Working together I believe that we can do just that.
If you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me at school.
If you were here at the beginning of the night, you heard a little bit about the things going on in the district and school. You also heard some of our philosophy. If you weren't here, or maybe were dozing off because I was boring (that's OK, I understand), I'll recap the message.
COMMUNICATION
Most of you have no doubt seen our website. It is a constantly evolving tool for communication. We spent a great deal of time developing a site that is useful and easy to use. Please take time to check out the website if you have not already done so.
Probably the most important feature of the website is the "Notify Me" function where parents can sign up for email updates when content is added. Parents have the opportunity to choose the information they want sent to their email addresses. You can get information from PTA, LTEF, community-based organizations and more. If you want information from these groups, you need to sign up as we are not sending paper home on a regular basis.
Does your son or daughter participate in a sport? Sign up for calendar updates and you will be notified of schedule changes and, more importantly, weather cancellations. You can now get text messages sent to your phone if you like. Just be sure to select the Woodglen Athletics Calendar if you only want texts about sports.
If you are not signed up for automatic notification through our website, go to http://www.lebtwpk8.org/list.aspx right now and get yourself signed up.
RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY
This year, we have set a theme of "Respect and Responsibility" for all students. I meet each year with students to talk about expectations for the upcoming school year. When I met with students during the first week of school, I explained that throughout the year we would focus on Respect and Responsibility.
Respect means respecting yourself, respecting others, respecting property, respecting teachers and respecting parents. We take great pride in the climate that has been developed at Woodglen School. We want it to be one where everyone feels comfortable sharing ideas, working hard and being themselves. In a time of life when most students are trying to figure out who they are, an atmosphere of respect is crucial to everyone's development. We don't ask everyone to be friends, that's just not the real world. We do ask everyone to respect each other, that is what the real world should be.
Responsibility is the other key ingredient to our school climate. We want students to leave Woodglen prepared for high school and beyond. Our goal is for them to move along the continuum from little boys and girls who come from elementary school to young people who are ready to succeed in the challenging environment of high school.
Students are encouraged to take responsibility for themselves. It isn't mom and dad's job to find out when a club or activity meets, its the student's job to listen to announcements. That's responsible. All students are given an opportunity to write assignments in their agenda books. Choosing not to do so and later claiming that they couldn't do the homework because it wasn't posted or the Internet was down is not an option. That's not taking responsibility for oneself.
I found it disheartening to hear from fifth and sixth grade teachers that we already have a significant number of students who are not completing homework. That's not responsible nor is it acceptable.
GRADES: COMMUNICATION NOT CURRENCY
If I asked what middle school grades mean, I would probably get a variety of answers. What grades are supposed to be is a standard way to communicate a students achievement in a given subject area. Unfortunately, what grades have become is a way to evaluate the quality of a child and/or parent. That is not a good thing. A student who gets an A is not necessarily any nicer or any better quality of an individual than the student who gets a D. Too often, though, people like to think, "my kid is a good kid because he or she gets good grades," or, "I'm a bad parent because my kid is struggling in school." These types of fallacies have led to a situation where grades are more important than learning.
Do you know what an A means to a middle school student? It doesn't mean that he or she has thoroughly mastered the information and skills presented in the classroom, it means, "I don't have to work any harder than I already am, and, maybe I can work a little less because my parents would be OK with an A- or B+." That is what happens when grades are used as currency. "Can I do extra credit to bring my grade up?" "What does my child need to do to get the extra point to bring that C+ to a B-?" These are the questions asked when grades are used as currency. "I get $10 for every A I get." "You'll be grounded if you don't get all A's and B's." These are the statements that we hear when grades are used as currency.
Our goal at Woodglen School is for all students to be successful. Success though, should not be focused on middle school. If we wanted kids to get A's in middle school, we could put several things in place that could probably accomplish just that. Unfortunately, those kinds of things are detrimental to students in the long run. We want students to leave Woodglen prepared for high school and beyond. What does that mean? We want them to develop a strong work ethic, one where "just enough" is not enough. We want them to develop good study and work habits. Once they get to high school, one high school administrator once put it, everything counts. Kids can't just start working hard when they get there. Hard work and good study skills are habits that need to be developed and honed in middle school. When we focus on that, sometimes kids have to experience some failure and difficulty. We are here to help them work through that. We are here to help them develop the habits, learn to be responsible, and become people who will be successful in high school and beyond.
BULLYING AND MEANNESS
I shared the Woodglen philosophy on dealing with bullying - we do all we can NOT to have to deal with it by preventing it. That means we put great emphasis on stopping meanness, which ultimately leads to bullying behaviors. Our goal is simple, we don't want to fix students' problems, we want to teach them how to fix their own problems. At the beginning of each school year, I meet with every student and we talk about how to deal with unacceptable behaviors. I remind them of what I consider to be the most important rule at Woodglen, "Treat others the way you want to be treated." I complete the statement with, "which is not necessarily the way they are treating you."
Students are encouraged to see Mrs. Hinde or me when they are having issues with other students. They should not wait until the issue is very large and out of control. I don't want to see students pushed over the edge to the point where they are using foul language, threats, or getting physical. If students are having a problem with someone, we want to teach them how to resolve the issue. Too many people, adults included, avoid issues until they are out of control. That is what leads to bullying. We bring kids together to talk in an effort to solve problems.
If your son or daughter comes home and tells you that they are having trouble in school, on the playground or on the bus, encourage them to see Mrs. Hinde so that she can help them fix the situation - not fix it for them. If we are on the same page with this, the program works much better so I would ask for your support.
Woodglen School is a great school with great kids, great teachers and great parents. I feel blessed to be able to work in a genuinely nice and supportive community. I know that we all share the same goals, to work with children to make them good and successful people. Working together I believe that we can do just that.
If you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me at school.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Remembering our veterans on this Independence Day
On Memorial Day, I was honored to be able to join Congressman Leonard Lance and State Senator Mike Doherty to address those assembled for the dedication of Lebanon Township's new Veteran's Memorial. I had the privilege of sharing the following message. The thoughts and words ring true this weekend as we celebrate the Fourth of July and remember those who made, and continue to make, our independence possible.
Thank you. First I want to thank Georgia Cudina and the Veteran’s Memorial Committee for inviting me here today.
Back on September 11, when I was invited to speak, I thought I was being asked to introduce a real speaker – someone important and dynamic – but found out that I was the real speaker. That was a bit of a disappointment, I thought I was going to get to hear someone good. When I was approached about speaking today, I have to admit, I felt pretty good about myself. Hey I must have been pretty good, they’re asking me back, aren’t they? I was walking a little taller, acting a little cooler – good times! Then they sent me the itinerary. This time there WERE real speakers – the Congressman and the Senator. Hmm, maybe I wasn’t quite so good.
Seriously, I am both honored and humbled to have the opportunity to be among such impressive people – Congressman Lance, Senator Doherty, such talented people – the Hunterdon Harmonizers, Cliff Delaney and the Bagpipers, such caring people – Mrs. Cudina and the committee, and most importantly, such brave and honorable people – our veterans who are present today. Thank you.
Today, we come together to honor the men and women who have served our nation throughout its 234-year history. That is great. It is great to honor our veterans, many who paid the ultimate sacrifice, with speeches, with parades and with memorials.
While it is important to pay tribute to them like this on an occasion such as this, it is more important to honor them every day of the year by living lives that honor, protect and appreciate the very freedoms and values that they fought, and often perished, to provide to you and me.
Abraham Lincoln, in his Gettysburg Address, said, “The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work, which they who fought here have thus far so nobly, advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us – that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion – that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain – that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.”
Wow, about 150 years ago, one of the greatest Americans laid down the gauntlet for all generations who would follow – to, under the watch of our creator, preserve all that is good – democracy and liberty and freedom – so that those who perished to establish and preserve these principles would have not died in vain. Today, my friends, I challenge you to heed the words of Lincoln in a new world, the world of the 21st Century.
As the principal of Woodglen School, I receive Gubernatorial Proclamations calling for flags to fly at half-staff. Unfortunately, each one of these is more than just a piece of paper, more than just a government mandate – each one of these is a life lost, usually a life lost in service to our nation. Today’s Star Ledger profiled the 22 New Jersey soldiers that have been killed in Afghanistan since October 2001.
Army Warrant Officer John Quinlan, Army Corporal Steven Koch, Army Staff Sergeant William Neil, Army Colonel John McHugh and Marine Lutenient Jason Mann were among those who died in service.
22 Gubernatorial Proclamations.
Army Staff Sergeant Andrew Lobosco, Army Specialist Michael Scusa, Marine Sergeant Christopher Hrbek and Marine Lance Corporal Jeremy Kane were among those proclamations.
22 flags flown at half-staff.
Army Sergeant Marcos Gorra, Army Sergeant Scott Brunkhorst, Army Sergeant Ronald Kubik and Army 1st Lieutenant Salvatore Corma were among those flags flown at half staff.
22 families whose lives were changed forever, 22 men who died so that you and I and people in a far off land could enjoy democracy, liberty and freedom. It is a reminder – FREEDOM IS NOT FREE.
Army Seargeant Steven Checo, Navy Petty Officer David Tapper, and Air Force Major Steven Plumhoff died to protect democracy, liberty and freedom.
The American soldier has always been a hero, not just to the people of the United States, but also to the world. The American soldier has always stood for what was good, and right and honorable. The American soldier has always put his or her life on the line for our great nation. The American soldier has always protected the world’s helpless, the world’s vulnerable and the world’s oppressed.
Army Private Robert White, Army Captain Charles Robinson, Army Staff Sergeant Christian Longsworth and Army Staff Sergeant Robert Chiomento died while standing for those who could not stand for themselves.
Every state in the union has a list like this, as nearly 1000 troops have died. Throughout our history, 42 million Americans have served and over 1 million have died during time of war.
As we stand here at the dedication of a memorial to all American Veterans, as we stand here on the eve of Memorial Day remembering those who died in service, I challenge you to heed the words of Lincoln – to assure that our men and women have not served and have not died, in vain. We have been given a gift by these men and women, one that cannot be repaid directly, but one that must be repaid to our posterity. Remember, FREEDOM IS NOT FREE.
What is OUR price? We must protect liberty and freedom on a daily basis. We must use liberty and freedom responsibly. We must pass liberty and freedom on to our children. We must spread liberty and freedom around the world – helping the helpless, protecting the vulnerable and fighting for the oppressed.
America and Americans have never waivered in their commitment to freedom and has always helped those who seek to be free. Americans have always fought for good throughout our history. We battled for independence in the Revolutionary War. We battled against evil in World War II. And we continue to battle against oppression and world terror in Afghanistan.
While I would love nothing more than to see a peaceful world, one without war, my prayer for our nation is that our people, our leaders and our servicemen and women never stop fighting for what is right and what is good. Our founding fathers, in the Declaration of Independence, reminded us that “all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” While this document was written in response to our struggles against England, the basic principals echoes true for all men, regardless of race, creed, color or national origin. As a country that has been blessed by with abundance for 234 years, we need to give thanks for those who have fought to establish and preserve these principles and for those who continue to do so.
About two months ago, one of those 22 New Jersey Servicemen, one of those Gubernatorial Proclamations, became more than a piece of paper to me. Army Corporal Michael D. Jankiewicz, a US Army Ranger was killed in action. Corporal Jankiewicz was from Ramsey NJ. I was the vice principal at Ramsey High School before I came to Woodglen. I never met Corporal Jankiewicz, who was 23 years old and entered the high school the year after I left, but I do know the Army Ranger Chaplin who had to come home, travel to Ramsey, New Jersey, and inform Mr. and Mrs. Jankiewicz that their young son, Michael, had been killed in service to his country. I listened to stories about this young man, about how he loved his country, about how he loved being a soldier and about how he felt he was doing something important, something good. At his funeral service, the Army Ranger Chaplin explained how Corporal Michael D. Jankiewicz and all of our servicemen and women, today and throughout history, have been used for a greater purpose.
He invoked Romans chapter 13, verse 4: “For he is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrong doer.”
America has a special purpose – we have been blessed with resources, wealth and power. Some say that believing this is arrogant, which, I guess it can be. But I believe, though, that our servicemen and women have accepted this responsibility with great humility. They have put their lives on the line for the noblest of causes. We fought the British for freedom in the Revolution. We fought against ourselves to abolish slavery in the Civil War. We defeated Nazi Germany to end the systematic incineration of human beings in World War II and to day, we are fighting terror groups to stop the murder of innocents around the world.
Today, I urge each and every one of you, to support our troops as they continue to do good here and around the world. I urge you all to honor the men and women who have served by protecting the values, the liberty and the freedom they have provided. I urge you to pass these ideals on to your children, and teach them that FREEDOM IS NOT FREE.
I would like to conclude by paraphrasing a poem that I recently read, its author is unknown:
It is not the preacher who has given us freedom of religion.
It is not the reporter who has given us freedom of the press.
It is not the poet who has given us freedom of speech.
It is not the activist who has given us freedom to assemble.
It is not the lawyer who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is not the politician who has given us the right to vote.
It is the VETERAN who has given us all of this.
It is the VETERAN who will continue to protect all of this.
God Bless you all, and God Bless the United States of America.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Internet and Cell Phone Safety
Back in April, Woodglen School hosted programs on Internet and cell phone safety presented by the Hunterdon County Prosecutor's Office and the New Jersey State Police. In three separate programs, officers from these law enforcement organizations met with fifth and sixth graders, seventh and eighth graders and parents. The presentations were excellent and, more importantly, eye opening, for all in attendance.
While most of us are familiar with some of the traditional dangers of being on the internet, the cyber world is an ever-changing place where new dangers pop up every day. Just when most parents got used to IM (instant messaging) it became passe! MySpace faded into Facebook. Chat rooms found their way into online gaming. I'm sure you see where this is going. The problem we as parents and educators face is that we just can't seem to keep pace with the evolution of technology in the "world" our children live in.
While much was covered by Detectives Melendez and Gonsalves during their parent presentation, I wanted to highlight a few items for those who could not make it or need a refresher. In addition, there are some new developments that I've become aware of since.
I hope at this point in time reminding you all that computers should be kept in a common area of the home would be redundant. I do know, though, that many students are using laptops and the same diligence is needed - keeping them out of private areas. So, you do all that and feel pretty good about the level of control you have. Does your son or daughter have an ipod touch? If so, this is another tool that needs to be closely monitored. With wifi access, the touch gives children access to the internet, YouTube, Facebook and a host of applications (apps) that range from useful to obscene. If you haven't already done so, take some time to check out what is loaded on your child's ipod touch.
While there are countless programs and sites out there for you to be concerned about, there are a couple that are quite popular. If you have an eighth grader, chances are pretty good that he or she is on Facebook. Heck, chances are pretty good that you, yourself are on Facebook. Users are required to approve all friends who have access to their information. It is possible to allow anyone to view information, though, and more and more, Facebook is making this a default setting. If you or your children are on this site, make sure to regularly check and update the privacy settings that can be found in the "account" tab. If your child is on Facebook, it is important for you to monitor his or her account. Check out their information, check out their posts, check out their pictures, check out their groups and check out their friends. Amazingly enough, at age 14, some of these kids think that they have 400 or 500 (or more) friends with whom they share a great deal of information. If there is very little activity on the account, chances are good that they have more than one account - one that they share with you and one that they don't want to see. Some of you might be thinking that we should keep kids off Facebook altogether because of the potential abuses. While the potential for abuse is very real, and this is a decision that parents need to make for their children, I'm not so sure that avoidance is the best route to take. I have a 14-year old daughter who is on Facebook. I am her "friend" and check her page regularly. Not long ago, I discovered a post from a male classmate that was inappropriate. I talked to my daughter about it and discussed how she should deal with this. I also posted, right on her page, a warning to the young man about being inappropriate. I contacted his parents and the issue was handled. Everyone involved learned something. Our children are "digital natives" - they have grown up with technology, they use it on a daily basis and it will continue to be part of their lives forever. Facebook and other tools give us the opportunity and responsibility to teach our children about acceptable and ethical uses of technology.
Want to see a site that is far more dangerous than Facebook? Check out http://www.formspring.me/. This site, which bills itself as a place to ask and answer questions is nothing more than a forum for hatred, harassment and bullying. People can post "questions" anonymously, questions that are more like insults than queries.
After spending time on computer issues, the officer's presentation turned to cell phone issues. I would not be exaggerating if I said that most middle schoolers have cell phones. While there are many reasons for young people to have access to this technology, cell phones may be more dangerous than computers since kids have them 24/7. The impetus for the internet and cell phone safety program came from a phone call from a parent who found out that his daughter was "sexting," that is, sending inappropriate pictures via her cell phone. He wanted to find a way to reach out to other parents to warn them of this practice.
While this was the first "reported" case of sexting involving one of our students, national statistics would indicate that it was probably not the only case. In fact, the day of the program, Mrs. Hinde and I were made aware of another incident involving two different students. The exact numbers may vary, but somewhere about 20% of teenagers admit to sending nude pictures or videos of themselves via their cell phones. Over 10% of girls between the ages of 11 and 13 indicated that they had done this.
Sexting has many negative implications. First of all, taking a nude "sexual" photograph of someone under the age of 16 is considered the creation or manufacture of child pornography, even if you are taking the picture of yourself. Sending this same picture makes you guilty of distribution of child pornography. These are serious charges. In some states, as a matter of fact, there has been an attempt to hold the owner of the cell phone contract, the parent, responsible for these crimes. The second issue at play here is the fact that once sent these photographs are out there forever. The parents who attended the session in April saw a video about a high school girl who committed suicide after her life was ruined by photographs that were texted "innocently" to a boyfriend. Once spread these photographs ruined her reputation and made her an object of scorn and ridicule, so much so that she felt she had no other way out.
Even if your child is not involved in sexting, and most are not, cell phones do play a role in the newest form of bullying and harassment, cyber bullying. Kids do not talk on cell phones, they text. Some kids send 100's each day as they communicate with their friends and family. While texting is a tremendously fast form of communication, it leaves much to be desired. First of all, texting eliminates all non-verbal forms of communicating. I could spend hours on why this is an issue, but the bottom line is that it leaves all conversations open to interpretation. It is much harder to tell when someone is kidding and when they are being serious by reading a text. Second, texting makes people very brave. Kids will text things that they would never say to someone's face. This false bravado leads to problems, often verbal and physical altercations.
So, with all of this, what are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to protect our kids? Do we take away the phones and disconnect the internet? While that might have some short term success, I don't believe it is the answer. We must teach our children to use technology correctly. We must teach them the dangers of posting information or photographs. We must teach them how to communicate via email and / or text messages. We don't allow 17-year olds to drive a car without supervision and training, yet many of us turn our kids lose on the internet without a second thought. How can you strike a balance and allow your child to use technology without abusing it?
The night of the parent presentation, I shared some of the questions that students asked the officers when they were in school the day before. I prefaced them by saying that the students who asked these questions were VERY GOOD kids. I said that if I shared their names you would either fall off of your seat or not believe me. What did they ask? "If I just watch a video, but don't download it, can it be traced?" Wonder what kind of video these students were watching? "If I send a picture of myself in bra and panties, is that illegal?" Is there any doubt that they had already done this?
When I told my daughter that I was going to read all of her texts, in typical teenage fashion, she wondered why I didn't trust her. I shared two things with her. First, checking up on her made it easy for her to do the right thing. She's a great kid who I have little worries about, but she is a teenager growing up in a dangerous world filled with enemies - people who would try to bring her down and lead her the wrong way. By being involved I am trying to help her to continue to make the right choices whether I am standing there or not. I also told her that I learned something from one of my favorite presidents, Ronald Reagan. "Trust but verify," he espoused. I would urge you to do the same. Love your kids, enjoy your kids and trust your kids, but please, don't be naive enough not to verify!
Here are some sites you can go to for information about internet and cell phone safety:
The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
http://www.missingkids.com/
NJ State Police Internet Safety Tips
http://www.state.nj.us/njsp/tech/safe-teens.html
Safekids.com
http://www.safekids.com/
While most of us are familiar with some of the traditional dangers of being on the internet, the cyber world is an ever-changing place where new dangers pop up every day. Just when most parents got used to IM (instant messaging) it became passe! MySpace faded into Facebook. Chat rooms found their way into online gaming. I'm sure you see where this is going. The problem we as parents and educators face is that we just can't seem to keep pace with the evolution of technology in the "world" our children live in.
While much was covered by Detectives Melendez and Gonsalves during their parent presentation, I wanted to highlight a few items for those who could not make it or need a refresher. In addition, there are some new developments that I've become aware of since.
I hope at this point in time reminding you all that computers should be kept in a common area of the home would be redundant. I do know, though, that many students are using laptops and the same diligence is needed - keeping them out of private areas. So, you do all that and feel pretty good about the level of control you have. Does your son or daughter have an ipod touch? If so, this is another tool that needs to be closely monitored. With wifi access, the touch gives children access to the internet, YouTube, Facebook and a host of applications (apps) that range from useful to obscene. If you haven't already done so, take some time to check out what is loaded on your child's ipod touch.
While there are countless programs and sites out there for you to be concerned about, there are a couple that are quite popular. If you have an eighth grader, chances are pretty good that he or she is on Facebook. Heck, chances are pretty good that you, yourself are on Facebook. Users are required to approve all friends who have access to their information. It is possible to allow anyone to view information, though, and more and more, Facebook is making this a default setting. If you or your children are on this site, make sure to regularly check and update the privacy settings that can be found in the "account" tab. If your child is on Facebook, it is important for you to monitor his or her account. Check out their information, check out their posts, check out their pictures, check out their groups and check out their friends. Amazingly enough, at age 14, some of these kids think that they have 400 or 500 (or more) friends with whom they share a great deal of information. If there is very little activity on the account, chances are good that they have more than one account - one that they share with you and one that they don't want to see. Some of you might be thinking that we should keep kids off Facebook altogether because of the potential abuses. While the potential for abuse is very real, and this is a decision that parents need to make for their children, I'm not so sure that avoidance is the best route to take. I have a 14-year old daughter who is on Facebook. I am her "friend" and check her page regularly. Not long ago, I discovered a post from a male classmate that was inappropriate. I talked to my daughter about it and discussed how she should deal with this. I also posted, right on her page, a warning to the young man about being inappropriate. I contacted his parents and the issue was handled. Everyone involved learned something. Our children are "digital natives" - they have grown up with technology, they use it on a daily basis and it will continue to be part of their lives forever. Facebook and other tools give us the opportunity and responsibility to teach our children about acceptable and ethical uses of technology.
Want to see a site that is far more dangerous than Facebook? Check out http://www.formspring.me/. This site, which bills itself as a place to ask and answer questions is nothing more than a forum for hatred, harassment and bullying. People can post "questions" anonymously, questions that are more like insults than queries.
After spending time on computer issues, the officer's presentation turned to cell phone issues. I would not be exaggerating if I said that most middle schoolers have cell phones. While there are many reasons for young people to have access to this technology, cell phones may be more dangerous than computers since kids have them 24/7. The impetus for the internet and cell phone safety program came from a phone call from a parent who found out that his daughter was "sexting," that is, sending inappropriate pictures via her cell phone. He wanted to find a way to reach out to other parents to warn them of this practice.
While this was the first "reported" case of sexting involving one of our students, national statistics would indicate that it was probably not the only case. In fact, the day of the program, Mrs. Hinde and I were made aware of another incident involving two different students. The exact numbers may vary, but somewhere about 20% of teenagers admit to sending nude pictures or videos of themselves via their cell phones. Over 10% of girls between the ages of 11 and 13 indicated that they had done this.
Sexting has many negative implications. First of all, taking a nude "sexual" photograph of someone under the age of 16 is considered the creation or manufacture of child pornography, even if you are taking the picture of yourself. Sending this same picture makes you guilty of distribution of child pornography. These are serious charges. In some states, as a matter of fact, there has been an attempt to hold the owner of the cell phone contract, the parent, responsible for these crimes. The second issue at play here is the fact that once sent these photographs are out there forever. The parents who attended the session in April saw a video about a high school girl who committed suicide after her life was ruined by photographs that were texted "innocently" to a boyfriend. Once spread these photographs ruined her reputation and made her an object of scorn and ridicule, so much so that she felt she had no other way out.
Even if your child is not involved in sexting, and most are not, cell phones do play a role in the newest form of bullying and harassment, cyber bullying. Kids do not talk on cell phones, they text. Some kids send 100's each day as they communicate with their friends and family. While texting is a tremendously fast form of communication, it leaves much to be desired. First of all, texting eliminates all non-verbal forms of communicating. I could spend hours on why this is an issue, but the bottom line is that it leaves all conversations open to interpretation. It is much harder to tell when someone is kidding and when they are being serious by reading a text. Second, texting makes people very brave. Kids will text things that they would never say to someone's face. This false bravado leads to problems, often verbal and physical altercations.
So, with all of this, what are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to protect our kids? Do we take away the phones and disconnect the internet? While that might have some short term success, I don't believe it is the answer. We must teach our children to use technology correctly. We must teach them the dangers of posting information or photographs. We must teach them how to communicate via email and / or text messages. We don't allow 17-year olds to drive a car without supervision and training, yet many of us turn our kids lose on the internet without a second thought. How can you strike a balance and allow your child to use technology without abusing it?
- Check on what they are doing on the computer. Walk over to the computer unannounced while they are on it. If they immediately minimize the screen or shut it down, they are probably doing something they shouldn't be doing. Go on to their Facebook account. If you don't have one, you might consider creating one and becoming friends with your child.
- Check their text messages. At the beginning of the school year I warned students about the dangers of texting and explain that I read my daughter's text messages. I heard a collective gasp, indicating that they were appalled. To me that means that not enough parents are doing the same. I take it one step farther, I go to my phone bill and count the number of texts that were sent (available through your carrier) and compare that number to the number of texts on the phone. If they don't match, that means that something was erased, which is not permitted - only I can erase the texts. It takes time, but I know what my daughter is sending, and, more importantly, receiving.
- Talk to them about the dangers and long term consequences associated with irresponsible use of technology. Colleges and employers now check Facebook - post inappropriate photographs and you may not get in or get hired. The photograph that you post just for "friends" can be copied and downloaded and used against you when friendships are over. The nude photograph that you text to a boy can easily make the rounds of not just your school but many others and ruin your reputation.
The night of the parent presentation, I shared some of the questions that students asked the officers when they were in school the day before. I prefaced them by saying that the students who asked these questions were VERY GOOD kids. I said that if I shared their names you would either fall off of your seat or not believe me. What did they ask? "If I just watch a video, but don't download it, can it be traced?" Wonder what kind of video these students were watching? "If I send a picture of myself in bra and panties, is that illegal?" Is there any doubt that they had already done this?
When I told my daughter that I was going to read all of her texts, in typical teenage fashion, she wondered why I didn't trust her. I shared two things with her. First, checking up on her made it easy for her to do the right thing. She's a great kid who I have little worries about, but she is a teenager growing up in a dangerous world filled with enemies - people who would try to bring her down and lead her the wrong way. By being involved I am trying to help her to continue to make the right choices whether I am standing there or not. I also told her that I learned something from one of my favorite presidents, Ronald Reagan. "Trust but verify," he espoused. I would urge you to do the same. Love your kids, enjoy your kids and trust your kids, but please, don't be naive enough not to verify!
Here are some sites you can go to for information about internet and cell phone safety:
The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
http://www.missingkids.com/
NJ State Police Internet Safety Tips
http://www.state.nj.us/njsp/tech/safe-teens.html
Safekids.com
http://www.safekids.com/
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